5th June 2014 18:09
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texts from washington:

(617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

26th February 2014 17:01
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texts from washington

(734): I don’t care if we’re married you can’t just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid

25th February 2014 17:01
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23rd February 2014 17:01
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texts from washington

(919): Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?

22nd February 2014 17:01
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texts from washington

(262): The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

20th February 2014 17:01
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texts from washington

(+81): When you’re really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.

1st November 2012 14:11
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texts from washington

(610): There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say “Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division”
12th October 2012 16:57
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texts from washington

(270): him being a republican bothered me way more than his coke problem.

11th October 2012 16:56
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texts from washington

(614): We just shotgunned beers for America

10th October 2012 17:01
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texts from washington

(336): christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms