texts from washington
(479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
texts from washington
(724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an apology.
texts from washington
(310): You peed on someone’s house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
texts from washington
(316): You’re always so generous when it comes to your dick.
texts from washington
(602): All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
texts from washington
(856): I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
texts from washington
(612): She asked if I wanted to “Mormon motorboat” her, which I guess is just motorboating her through her clothes. Turns out I did.
texts from washington
(508): I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
texts from washington
(617): shut up. i wear heels bigger than your dick
texts from washington
(919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed… as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it…?
