texts from washington

(304): Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant “Ride! Jon! Home!” to get a girl in bed.

texts from washington

(614): We just shotgunned beers for America

texts from washington

(336): christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

texts from washington

(615): Girl, that was the last night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..

texts from washington

(650): Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.

Credits to Amy

texts from washington

(434): Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.

texts from washington

(609): I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

texts from washington

(515): If they weren’t representing Obama and the White House, the definitely would’ve punched me in the face.

texts from washington

(215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

texts from washington

(605): Before we fucked we mutually agreed not to tweet about it.