texts from washington

(517): I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs

texts from washington

(316): You’re always so generous when it comes to your dick.

texts from washington

(720): Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.

texts from washington

(206): she told me i tasted like america

texts from washington

(252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

texts from washington

(402): South Carolina’s governor once cited “moral legitimacy” when he was a congressman voting for Bill Clinton’s impeachment. Karma is a bitch.

texts from washington

(313): Ha. Yes. I’m at a strip club. I’m the barack obama of strip clubs

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(714): OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(651): We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that she wouldn’t notice us before she left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.