texts from washington

(610): There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say “Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division”

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(314): I am listening to C-SPAN and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from the campaign trail

(949): if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(570): As soon as he lost the election, the reception’s open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(913): Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately

mettaworldpeas:

texts from the campaign trail

(513): They are pre-gaming a trip to congress…not sure how politically correct the group is.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(516): Convinced the bartender that I’m a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

mettaworldpeas:

texts from washington

(847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.